Dreaming of a Red Christmas

We dodged a bullet today.

As you may have read from the thrilling first instalment of this humble blog-a-rino, we were planning to have our family pics done today. These stunning snapshots were to grace the cover of our baby-shower-birth-announcement-thanks-for-the-baby-gift-Happy-Thanksgiving-Merry-Christmas-Happy-New-Year cards we’ve been intending to send out since June. I figured we might as well do a one-size-fits-all card since I haven’t had a moment to even poop by myself much less shower, brush my teeth or handcraft homemade cards. Screw that, I haven’t even had time to slap a stamp on a pre-made jobby. Its fair to say that 67% of my being was looking forward to the joyous occasion. The other…uh…13%…er…28%…the other amount of my being was somewhat dreading it. For one, we had nothing to wear (please reference our choice of either garbage bags or 80s tap costumes). The greater reason, however, is that at the best of times my children can be very, lets say, “difficult” to photograph.

Lets observe the little darlings, shall we?

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“Boys! Boys! Look over here! Sit up straight! Stop biting your brother’s foot! HEY! HEY!” I am not confident that I can even accurately identify which legs belong to which boy.

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“Ok boys, now give me a nice smile to introduce your new baby brothers to the world.”

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“NO!!! NO!!!!! NOT LIKE THAT!”

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“STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!!! YOU ARE HORSING AROUND NEAR THE BABIES! QUIT ACTING DEMENTED!!!!!”

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“Yes, that is better. Now look happy. HAPPY I SAID!”

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“LESS HAPPY!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF ST. PETE!!!!!”

There is a reason people go to professional photographers. For one, they have the patience of the saints. Secondly, they actually know how to operate cameras to make your child look beautiful and sweet and cute instead of like something on the seafood table at a buffet. Case in point:

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Here is our attempt at taking an adorable picture of our newborns. Don’t they look adorab…uh…yeah. Nevermind.

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And this is the result when someone with some skill, talent, experience and magic fairy dust takes a picture of the same babies. Thank you Baby Jesus for Donnelly Photography.

Needless to say, when faced with the daunting task of getting our brood photographed for the multi-purpose card we needed to call in the big guns. The professionals. The gurus, if you will. And as you know, I was stressing over the collective ensemble of our family. Would it be inappropriate if the whole clan was rolling around nude on a fur rug? It works so well with babies but I am sure there must be a cut off at which point adorable begins to bleed into nightmare-inducing.

And in my hour of need, a miracle.

N crawled out his bed with one eye glued shut with the telltale yellow goopy pus of THE PINK EYE. Hallelujah, praise the Lord! W crawled out of the top bunk, white as a sheet with dark black circles under his eyes. Between the bright ruby red eyes and the pasty transparency our clan was quite a sight to behold. Phew, a mulligan, a do-over, a stay of execution if you will. Of course we could have soldiered on and done family pictures today, but the blend of pale and red eyes would have our swarm of boys looking like newborn vampires.

HOLD THE PHONE!!!!!!! If I would look that smouldering hot with pinkeye, SIGN ME UP!

In closing, dear friends, I wish to convey my regrets if in fact I am unable to send out your multi-purpose card. Perhaps you will get it in time for Easter, but chances are you should probably bank on it showing up to invite you to the twins’ 1st birthday (or graduation…let’s not set unrealistic deadlines for ourselves shall we?)

Perhaps the only portrait of our family together for the next 12 years? My children always draw me as the largest person in our family. Lovely.

Perhaps the only portrait of our family together for the next 12 years? My children always draw me as the largest person in our family. Lovely.

Much love,

TAMBOT

"LOOK OUT BELOW!!! HERE COMES THE HILL MONSTER"  "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!"

“LOOK OUT BELOW!!! HERE COMES THE HILL MONSTER” “RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!”

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2 thoughts on “Dreaming of a Red Christmas

  1. Lol – well done and highly entertaining! I don’t specialize in posey posey for a reason. Love the look but some have it, some don’t. Can I do it, yes – but we all have our place in the world of photography…know it.

  2. Bahaha I can’t stop looking at the picture of your “seafood table twins” and giggling madly to myself! So funny!

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