How to Survive a Road Trip with Kids

Given that I have endured numerous long ass trips with kids to visit my inlaws I believe I am *basically* an expert. I shall now bestow all of my wisdom upon you so buckle up. Here are my tips on how to survive a road trip with kids.

TIP #1: Whistles do not make good toys for travel. Also: do not supply the child blowing the whistle with protective earmuffs. (Lesson learned).

roadtrip

TIP #2: Pack plenty of tasty snacks. Be forewarned: the kids will not want them. While on a road trip children exist solely on slushies (dark red, purple or blue only), ketchup and nugget dipping sauce. Fries and nuggets are required to get the ketchup and/or sauce from the packet to the mouth (and repeat) but will not be ingested. Dry, neutral coloured, healthy, fresh snacks need not apply. If it cannot be smeared all over the interior of a vehicle it has no merit as a road trip snack.

TIP #3: Bring plugs for the noisy end.

jacobseat

TIP #4: Bring a source of entertainment. Intricate toys with many small, fragile, irreplacable parts are highly sought after. Noisy toys are well received as are toys you can throw. Anything with a siren is appreciated by the driver. Bear in mind that an Uncle with an iPad is just about as entertaining as you can get.

ipadroad

TIP #5: Pets make admirable travelling companions. They provide companionship, entertainment and are an excellent source of methane gas.

fetchycompany

TIP #6: Keep children safely contained in approved child seats for their own protection. Not only are these essential in an accident, they also deter parents from kicking out fighting siblings at the nearest truck stop since the damn straps are too much work to undo.

van

TIP #7: Remember that as with all things in a life, a road trip is no different: TREAD LIGHTLY AND CARRY A BIG STICK.

stick

TIP #8: Remember to enjoy yourself once you reach your destination.cape spear

HAPPY TRAVELS!

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