Ohhhhhhh ho ho ho…what do we have here. Upon scouring my computer I found this oldy but goody. Gone are those carefree college days. But the memories will live on forever. Nay, they are burned into my memory, despite my best attempts to rid my mind of images of Mr. Nudey. This is from the summer of 2001 when I took an art class. Enjoy…….
YIKES!!! I am enrolled in summer session at the university so I can finish my degree faster. I am majoring in Animal Science so my typical classes are things like Biochemistry, Swine Nutrition. Ruminant Management, etc. Well, I need some ‘filler’ classes and you are free to choose anything you like. So this summer I am taking a Classical Greek Myth class, a Statistics class, a Philosophy class (I’ve taken 3 already and really enjoy them) and a Biology class about ecosystems (aka going on field trips to lakes=summer fun while getting credit). Anyway, the class that is most challenging, new and exciting is Foundation in Painting. I have NO experience and wanted to give it a shot. Well the class is for 3 hours everyday of the week for 7 weeks. The instructor is pleased/surprised I am in the class because everyone else is a Fine Arts major (aside from me and a Math guy). This also means that everyone else has WAY more experience than me!
Today was our third day. The first two days we tried drawing ‘contour lines’ with charcoal. We drew skulls of animals and our hands. Seemed to be difficult but still lots of fun. Then today (I will repeat…the THIRD day only!) they bring out the NUDE MODEL!!!!! OMG!!!!!!! Everyone else was acting like this was a regular walk in the park and me and Math Guy were nervously darting our eyes around the room to figure out what to do. I was wondering…is there going to be a drumroll? Will everyone clap when the nude person comes in? Sorry folks but I am not well versed in the etiquette of painting nude people. While I was fidgeting with my paper and paints all of a sudden…TA DA…there was the nude person…no warning or anything. YIKES!!! No robe, no word of warning, he was just there in all his glory. The professor said, “Everyone, this is Tom”. I then said (rather loudly and awkwardly) “Hi Tom!”. Nobody else made a peep. Mental note: don’t talk to Mr. Nudey.
At first I was relieved because we have these huge easels that I could hide from Mr. Nudey. Then the professor made us all gather in close and turn our easels. I was then fully in view of Mr. Nudey while staring intently and trying (gingerly) to depict him in a masculine/non-insulting way (read: I have trouble with proportion and did not want to insult and/or overly flatter strange nude man). Man oh man, talk about difficult. Everyone set to work immediately setting down beautiful masterpieces on their paper while I attempted to paint him without actually looking at him. A difficult task indeed. The professor said that we could pick one part to focus on and make it really large and fill the paper. So I focused on the safe stuff – feet, elbows, hairline, ears. The whole time Mr. Nudey was frowning and serious. I whispered to Math Guy “I never learned how to do this on Mr. Dressup” – that was my main Art teacher growing up, “I want my smelly markers back, this is hard!” At that Mr. Nudey burst out laughing. Note to nude people: laughing does not look good when you are not clothed. ha ha! And what’s with all the sprawling and posing?? I’d prefer if they’d stand stiffly upright with hands and legs firmly clamped to the sides. For one pose he had a waist-high stool (that you would sit on to paint or whatever) and he bent over and put his elbows on the stool. And I had to paint the ‘rear-view’ and concentrate on the perfect shape of the, er, crack. I was waiting for a camera crew to jump out and tell me I was on some spoof show because it was too weird to be real!
Then we had to draw ‘the works’ – the whole body on one sheet of paper. I’m not sure how I got through it, but me and Math Guy survived. After my class I went to my husband’s laboratory to show him my work. I told him all about the class. Then I showed him my picture of Mr. Nudey’s whole body. He burst out laughing – apparently he found it very hilarious that I could go to a nude Art class and still manage to draw a whole body minus the nether-regions and nipples. LMAO Oh well, maybe it’ll be easier next time! Thank GOODNESS for Math guy – his painting looked like a deformed Teletubby. At least I am not alone! Tomorrow we meet Mrs. Nudey. Anyone else taken a nude art class?