Feral Five: 5 Ways to Jazz Up Your Easter Celebration


(AKA How to turn your inability to clean up the Christmas decor into a kick ass spring fest for our Risen Lord)

5. You ordered Chinese take out instead of wasting the day sweating in the kitchen.

4. You have an Easter nativity complete with Headless Wise Man. Baby Jesus much prefers chocolate to lame frankincense or myrrh.


This is actually a priceless family heirloom and I caught some shit for beheading Balthazar. I tried to explain that in the spirit of Easter it was the servant who lost his ear when the soldiers came to take Jesus from the garden. My explanation was not well received.

3. The dog drags his muddy belly across the carpet so you blame it on the Easter bunny thereby gleaning 3923 bonus points in the “Magic is Legit” section of the parenting awesomeness evaluation.


2. You buy the infant members of your household a metric shit tonne of chocolate (to be fair!) Guess you’ll just have to take one for the team and eat it so they don’t choke.


1. You have an Easter tree. NOTE: People will actually ask you if you purposely PUT UP a tree just for Easter. My answer?? AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!



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